Recently I had a job interview that went really well for the first one, and they asked me back, and during that one, I had all sorts of red flags go off, and I KNEW, basically, from that second interview that I could never work there, but I wanted a job so bad to get out of debt, so went against my instincts (which felt TERRIBLE), and asked what the compensation was–and was disqualified, much to my instant relief.
I found out later that it was a very good thing I disqualified myself, because that company would have been TERRIBLE to work for, and that it was preferable to have a bad interviewing experience than a bad job experience.
Emotions are powerful indicators of what our intuition is telling us. Our mind can overpower our “gut” for only so long, and feelings will out, eventually, if not immediately. What I’m learning lately is that I have much less tolerance than I used to for ignoring my instincts. Doing so, especially in such a situation as the job, with my friends urging me to “go for it and ignore your fears,” quickly drives me into deep, overwhelming depression, and I suspect it is a protection mechanism at this point.
The idea for the graphic below (done in Illustrator) came from a dream I had a few weeks ago, of an “Emotion-o-meter” to gauge situations, thoughts, beliefs, etc. Anything that felt GOOD was allowing my core vibration, anything that felt BAD was resisting my core vibration. It was a pretty powerful image to me, because often, I’m so used to having my head overrule my heart that I needed something to gauge.
And, since money’s sooooo tight, and I am not a salesperson, someone suggested adding a “donate” button to my blog, which I have just done, and plan to do more posting over the summer…I have let this blog lapse while so busy in school, in favor of my technical blog. I also hope to get much more of my cookbook keyed in from the several inches thick stack of papers of hand-written recipes in my bookcase in the kitchen!